people are so funny and miserable at the same time. all this haste and fuss, everyday i watch it in underground, at the streets, at work. but the truth - it's not there. slow down. stop. enjoy this very moment. enjoy yourself. this race is endless, the finish line is death. i don't want to participate.

"Rows of houses all bearing down on me
I can feel their blue hands touching me
All these things into position
All these things we'll one day swallow whole..."

strangely, but my head feels clean and unbearable burden of thoughts is even lighter. what's this? a self-confession? whatever, it helps, my fuckin' little diary.
7AM. I fuckin' hate waking up early. anyway, you get used. it doesn't matter. I'll finish my bitter coffee, put some music and go to a brand new day. same as previous.

never liked cognac, but it's only booze left. since when I started to exist? a year ago? I don't even need to re-read the whole diary to admit it. it's like a damn eld. 3 cigarettes at 5 minutes.
"Bloodflowers and cigarettes never helps, but they make the scene complete" (c) person used to be my friend.
this solitude just eats me inside. my head is empty, my heart works on tranquilizers, my body doesn't work at all. everything I happened to be just vanished with all the people who left me. but was I something? who am I now? what I should do? why? oh, the never-ending why... I ask myself alot of questions and don't get any answers.
even at the most shitty times I was happier than now.
at first glance, it's like a sonic burst of life, but digging in.. there were plenty of colorful moments forgotten somehow. is this what "life" supposed to be?

ok, finally i got here. first of all, my work is goin' on and today i finished 3rd song. well, it still lacks vocals, but everything else is almost cool for a demo. secondary, my movies obsession is still have some power on me. watch everything that comes in my hand. + added library at KinoPoisk.
summer...wtf I wanna june back, it was so cool and peaceful.
I miss so many people, it seems like I lived in a cave for last 4 years. gonna try and put myself on a party 17th.
wanna do some electronic experimental stuff as well, some live set or whatever. god give me wisdom...
what's cool in the world?

p.s. I think storm is affecting me.

strangely, but i find (during re-watching Hedwig and the Angry Inch) german accent very, very sexy. i can listen to it forever. indeed, it has quite stunning and memorable soundtrack.

gonna throw a try and send out my resume to Parallels.com. I'm lucky. I should be.

this braid game totally sucked me in..

Everybody, everybody just wanna fall in love
Everybody, everybody just wanna play the lead Wii

Unfortunately, not everyone in my tiny milieu estimates and understands the power of creation, the power of music. They gave it such a miserable value, like there weren't really great bands who spun millions of minds, who changed the world...
I can't write music when I can't concentrate, but moreover when even close people puts a spoke in my wheel. It's sad.

twitter.com/electricdrop

...
And all that stands between the souls release?
This temporary flesh and bone
We know that it's over now
I feel my faded mind begin to roam

Every time you fall
And every time you try
Every foolish dream
And every compromise
Every word you spoke
And everything you said
Everything you left me, rambles in my head

There's nothing I can say
There's nothing I can do now
There's nothing I can say
There's nothing I can do now

Up above the world so high

And everything you loved
And every time you try
Everybody's watching
Everybody cry

Stay, don't leave me
The stars can wait for your sign
Don't signal now...

nothing changes, just rearranges. oh, sweet nineties...

-Oh, the good old times. You smell like an ashtray.

...cuz that home belongs to you.

I lived too long without people to have any habits or even depend on them. Indeed, my confidence is hard to earn and very easy to lose. I didn't imagined it, that's just the way it works.
Sorry for misunderstanding and fuck off.

i've never had a real rest actually in these 20 years (or 21) and feeling myself like my far friend Natalie. no, ofc there were holidays, vacations, etc.. but i didn't feel myself rested, even now i realize it more and more. there should be a thing which you're tired of and then you could have a rest by removing it from your present temporary or permanently, i don't have such power to do it now. maybe some day. some day soon...

Words such as bad can't being applied to the music if artist gave his soul to it, put all his power to sound it exactly (or almost) as his thoughts. It may be liked or disliked by a certain person, but call it bad? No, bad could be thoughts and here's the difference.